Friday Fun!

Need a good laugh? I've received this list in an email from a couple of different people, and thought I'd share it with the CBEB gang. Some of them are absolutely priceless.

Paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a
> > sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the
> > reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is
> > frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect.
> >
> >
> >
> > - I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I
> > stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
> >
> >
> > - Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and
> > beat you with experience.
> >
> >
> > - I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not
> > screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
> >
> >
> > - Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing
> > in a garage makes you a car.
> >
> >
> > - The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
> >
> >
> > - Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
> > bright until you hear them speak.
> >
> >
> > - If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
> >
> >
> > - We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
> >
> >
> > - War does not determine who is right -- only who is left.
> >
> >
> > - Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in
> > a fruit salad.
> >
> >
> > - The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
> >
> >
> > - Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening,' and then
> > proceed to tell you why it isn't.
> >
> >
> > - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is
> > research.
> >
> >
> > - A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train
> > stops. My desk is a work station.
> >
> >
> > - How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
> > whole box to start a campfire?
> >
> >
> > - Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but
> > you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
> >
> >
> > - Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can
> > train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
> >
> >
> > - I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted paychecks.
> >
> >
> > - A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you
> > don't need it.
> >
> >
> > - Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an
> > emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR."
> >
> >
> > - I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
> >
> >
> > - Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion
> > stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
> >
> >
> > - Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
> > with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
> >
> >
> > - Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and
> > 50 for Miss America?
> >
> >
> > - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
> >
> >
> > - You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to
> > skydive twice.
> >
> >
> > - Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
> >
> >
> > - A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way
> > that you will look forward to the trip.
> >
> >
> > - Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if
> > you wish they were.
> >
> >
> > - Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live
> > with.
> >
> >
> > - I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured
> > by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
> >
> >
> > - Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
> >
> >
> > - I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
> >
> >
> > - I always take life with a grain of salt... plus a slice of lime...
> > and a shot of tequila.
> >
> >
> > - When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire
> > Department usually uses water.
> >
> >
> > - You're never too old to learn something stupid.
> >
> >
> > - To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you
> > hit the target.
> >
> >
> > - Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
> >
> >
> > - A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as
> > when you are in it.
> >
> >
> > - Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Here's a new Peaches pic for you, Judy! She was feeling a bit less crazy at this particular moment.
*sigh* It didn't last long.

I'm visiting my sisters this weekend and won't have internet access. I know I can count on you ladies to hold the fort for me!